The Witches (2020)

SPOILERS BELOW

I have only vague memories of the novel (I started reading it as a child and had to give up as it was too scary) and the Roeg film, but I do remember that the book had a creepy, documentative feel and Roeg's adaptation captured this effectively for the most part. Zemeckis' does not. It is, in fact, a loud, overcooked eyesore.

The Chris Rock narration is unnecessary and jarring. The witches not only have the Dahl-prescribed bald heads, claws and square feet, they also have giant CG mouths, silly voices, and CG pets (the head witch throws even more on the pile, with a comedy accent, super-strength and stretchy arms). The lead child actor is fine, but the one playing Bruno is dreadful. The third child-turned-mouse is played by Kristen Chenowith, which is jarring for most of the film until you find out that children-turned-mice only live for about ten years and age into adults within that time and so maybe her sounding in her 50s this soon makes sense. Regardless, the physical acting of the three CG mice is, somehow, dreadful and their voices all irritating. The CG throughout is unconvincing and cartoonish. Silvestri's score is overbearing. They follow the story of the book pretty closely, but the structure feels off-balance: once the witches finally show up, the film rushes to the finish line.

Instead of a creepy scientific introduction to witches, there's Chris Rock's voice blaring like a foghorn over some crappy illustrations. Instead of the chilling segment about the girl trapped in a painting, there's a segment about a girl getting turned into a buffoonish CG chicken. Instead of the downbeat ending there's three CG mice dancing to Sister Sledge and riding a toy rollercoaster like something out of Stuart Little. Pretty much every single element of this film is misjudged.

Rating: Awful.