Wolfenstein 3D (1992)

 I actually started playing this for about half an hour a few weeks ago. My first impression: fucking difficult! So I'll start again on baby mode and see how I do.

-

I'm now playing on baby difficulty, and it's definitely a good idea because the movement and aiming in this game make it pretty easy to lose a load of health to one enemy. Default is turning, not strafing, which is a pain in the tits, and your aim has to be pretty accurate to get a hit for a game with no mouse look. Also, there's no map or quicksave which I really miss, especially as it's so easy to get lost when the levels have very few wall textures and are essentially many many small rooms all linked together. Perhaps it's that I don't have a great sense of direction, but I very nearly had to start drawing a map at one point.

On the positive side, it's already pretty atmospheric - the animations and sounds do a lot with very little, and it's cool tromping round a Nazi castle finding hidden artefacts and passageways. And when you get better with the handling and shooting, it's still quite satisfying to run round blasting. They even have cool little moments like a guard positioned facing away from you so you can sneak up and shoot him in the back, or an enemy seeing you, running away then waiting round the corner for you.

I don't know how long I'll play this for because it's all very samey. I might skip ahead an episode to see what new stuff is in there.

-

Okay, I'm done with Wolf 3D now. The maze-like levels and the droning music were killing me. I think it would have been a lot more fun as a 12 year old with a friend making maps and the music muted with some '92 Metallica blasting out instead, but I doubt I'll find anyone willing to join me for that.

There was the occasional nice bit of level design where they used signs and stuff to make it more navigable or obvious secret passages or holes leading to cave sections. And it did manage to make me jump out of my skin one time with a hidden Nazi suddenly yelling at me from a corner. But overall it was quite arduous.

I thought it was pretty hilarious just how much Hitler decor there is in this castle - stately portraits, extreme close ups of him yelling, even stained glass windows!

I watched a playthrough and it's a shame I didn't get to any of the bosses because they looked hilariously cheesy, and again some nice cinematic stuff going on with the death cam and the camera panning round to see the player character triumphantly fist-pumping. I knew there was mecha-Hitler in this game, but not that he starts as wizard-Hitler shooting fireballs at you and disappearing into thin air with a cackle as his wizard cape crumples to the ground. Then when you do enough damage his mech falls apart and you get vanilla Hitler, who shouts "Eva, auf wiedersehen!" before melting into a head and a pile of mush. I'm guessing Return To Castle Wolfenstein won't have a Hitler boss, which is a shame.

Rating: Red.